Can afford to not be shallow: Part 2

The world that pulls me 
is somewhere between: 
predictability and unpredictability,
rigid and loose,
defined and undefined,
right and wrong.

I am inconsistent with myself,
hence the inconsistency pulls me;
the dilemma of what's right and what's not.

Is the solution consistent or not?
Is the solution absurd or not?

When Turing machine halts, it amazes me.
Because one can embed an equation into it, 
and the equation stops yielding anything.

When Constantin proves finite-time singularity
of 4th order PDE, it amazes me.
Because it was numerically shown,
but never before rigorously proved.

The world between YES and NO, is fascinating
as it keeps me ON,
it keeps me going.

Imagine everything being solvable,
everything being predictable,
everything just a next-step you need to do,
without thrill, without sense of awe,
without depression, without thought of suicide,
without angst, without ounces of self-hate and self-love,
how insipid that world would be?

My world should never be predictable,
it should be chaotic as like ocean waves -
you can never predict
what I will say,
what I will behave like,
what I will offer,
what I will decline -
a love that's fulfiled is a burden for ages to come.
Mansions, travels, vacations and perks - 
they are just means, not necessary,
a way to reach those places where I can dare to not be shallow.

All I want is an empty place,
where I can afford to not be shallow.
Where I settle some issues (or create new ones).
Where I create a thought that opens a series of bewilderments.
Where the shaky ground that I stand in, 
doesn't become solid or too loose,
instead just allow me to create new grounds
where people come and visit me -
talk to me and leave me,
visit the place when I am not there,
feel shaky in that ground and feel the same
that I feel now, here...
wish to do the same,
that I wish to do now, here...
and the process keeps on repeating...
forever

Can afford to be shallow - Part 1

There was a time
when flowing water meant million things to me -
fluids, neural circuits, poetry, love and what not!

But now, I am shallow. I see it as nothing but "flowing water".

There was a time

when layers of clouds meant million things to me -

diffraction, stories, faces and what not!

But now, I am shallow. I see it as nothing but "just clouds".

At that time, I had nothing, so I was living my true self.
A philosophically-troubled thinker who is deep into things.
Sleepless nights, countless dreams, infinite plans and no fears.
No setbacks, no expectations and no burden.
I was true. I was into myself.

As I deal more with real world - grants, funds, jobs and "reaching out".
I lose my inner self.
I do remember vestiges of my inner self -
it comes out once in a while and lays dormant for rest of the time.

I don't live in my abstract world anymore. 

On top of all that, I can afford to be shallow.
But how long this will last?

A time will come, when world will challenge me.
Punch me into my face and ask me to face it upfront.
I still might work hard and continue to afford to be shallow.
But is this what I want?

Not really.

There is no "great" idea

Some ideas are "great",
but just culturally great -
not great in a pure sense.

Every mind is unique,
for every life trajectory is unique,
but there are less puzzles in this world
than the number of minds,
so can't we say that most of the ideas
will emerge out together, culturally -
in a friendly fashion ?

Small ideas together might make a big story,
only that is something very important.
Because everyone learns in the process,
every new creation is the product of many minds.

There is no great person,
there is no great mind,
there is no great idea,
there is no great science.

Every learning endeavour 
is a collaborative task,
that amuses everyone,
and makes the task 
fun and fulfilling.

This world is different

This world is different.
Not consonant to one
I imagined to be like:
where Wittgenstein is losing his mind
over the origins of mind and language;
where Ramanujan is writing equations
that appeared magically in his dreams;
where Turing created computers
only to answer Hilbert's decision problem;

Instead, this world is the result of all of this.

Starting with Turing,
turing machines led to logic,
logic of computations,
machines, simple and complex machines,
machines which we call "computers" now.
Computers which were just an experiment,
a new way to see the world -
a simple and effective way to seek reality,
for reality was and will remain complex,
so why not accept a new way to see it?

But a long-tail of snake,
in that snake-ladder game you played in 90s
could be devastating,
same is I believe the case is with
science now.

With enormous magnification level in experiments,
loads of data and plenty of hi-tech machines,
reality is posing less challenges to machines.
Even if it poses some,
a black-box model,
neural networks -
the thrill of today,
is solving problems no could have imagined before.

But science cares about how you solve them,
every step matter more than the end result.

Science was built on pillars of progressiveness,
problems were left unsolved, for they were really difficult.
Difficult to grasp both visually and mathematically.

But now, visual part is handled by hi-tech cameras,
and mathematical part by neural networks,
and what not!

Science was an enterprise of riches before -
who devoted on intellectual pursuits, for it was noble and niche.

Now science is next door - everyone can learn it, use it and do it.

There still are lot of problems to solve, in science,
but there is competition, so quality is going down.

Philosophy of science is long-lost in the heaps of data.
Future of science is shadowed with the dark carbon clouds that machines emit.
Spirit of science is sold to funders and companies for loads of money.
 
Seeing all this, makes me question:

Is there any limit to this bloating bubble?
And if it bursts one day,
how will the new world be like?

What is love?

Defining or labeling something
means restraining it
or not allowing it to express itself.

You call a cat, a "cat",
which creates a boundary:
a cat can never be you
and you can never be cat;
the cat might express itself freely,
but for you, it's the "cat" who is doing it,
not someone like you or not even a part of you.

Love transcends these boundaries - 
boundaries of labels, boundaries of naming,
syntaxes of rules and humor of blaming.

Love sets myself out from the current context 
where I am supposed to act on rules - 
love allows myself to be, to be creative 
and to feel free.
On top of that, love sets myself on a journey:
on a boat without a roar,
sailing on an ocean - warm yet rough.
Each second brings me more warmth,
and more struggle to feel more warmth.
This warmth comforts me 
yet asks me something in return -
myself, my whole self 
to submerge into the moment that is now,
to know tricks, details, concepts, knowns
of the equation that I love more than anything else;
an unknown is what is hidden there in the ocean,
it's there but hidden. I am not an discoverer but a hunter.
Maths is not a discovery, but an invention.
You hunt for the tools while feeling warmth.
You use them then to invent something, 
only to realise that that invention might mean
something else to someone,
but for you it doesn't mean anything -
it lies there, open, alone and afresh,
waiting for someone to come by and just see it.

Discrete or continuum

 Is the reality discrete or continuum?

This question troubles everyone,
everyday, every moment
for it depends on the mood and the brain
how one perceives reality
and how one deals with it?

Calculus operates on continuum 
so physicists try best possible ways
to maintain this assumption -
be like through Planck's length scale
or through continuum limit in fluids.

Below such limits, nature is discrete
randomness of atoms creave havoc,
complecity of tiny particles mess things up.

Even the mathematics describing continuum world fails.
At one point, the equations yield bizzare solutions
or simply fail to yield or tell anything.

Computers come to rescue as they work discretely, discreetly.
On numbers, on bits and bytes, on flips and flops.
They can treat this enormous world with their enormous potential.
Aid our brains to quantify, solve, and simulate everything.

But computers are engineered neurons which work on some rules,
those rules which are built on the fabric of mathematics -
of axioms, lemmas, theorems, and their proofs.
Mathematics encompass everything and anything,
it can be made discrete or be made continuum.

Minds which delve into mathematical world
are not escaping out of reality, 
for reality can be mathematics - who knows?
Reality can be your hands, my hands - who knows?
Reality can be your experiences, my experiences - who knows?
It can be all of these three or maybe even more.
No one knows.

  

 

Immortality

Does it bother you, 
what will you be left with,
when you die?

Do you want something to leave here,
or to take away to heavens with you,
or you simply don't care?

Some of us want something to leave
as evolution designed us to do so.
Some leave babies, some leave ideas,
some leave assets, some leave books.
Many of us want to give something to this world,
in generous and kind way -
for life was an unexpected gift to us,
so why not return the favour to nature,
why not remain alive in the hearts of others?

Some of us want to take things to heavens,
those who believe in heavens,
in good deeds and bad deeds,
in a world before and after life,
in a single cosmos of souls -
they want to take good vibes to heavens
and be born again with a better life.

There are, but, a few people
who don't care about their mortal nature,
in that they are detached from pleasures and pains,
from material and immaterial,
from emotions and objects.
A mind that's detached yet penetrating
the fabric of reality as is,
asking about its whereabouts and
still knowing that there is no answer,
yet asking this question repeatedly, throughout life,
feeding itself through simple pleasures -
pleasures of science, pleasures of poetry,
pleasures of arts, pleasures of philosophy,
that mind is liable to explode when exhausted,
just stop functioning or get damaged at one stage,
that mind will probably be 
the most closest mirror
to the fabric of reality -
this is what I'd call immortality.