Present-ness

Dreams, desires, plans
material, even immaterial -
abstractions, theorems, proofs,
Langlands,
all things consumes me -
for the sanity of me!
But something is missing at the core:
despite being an addiction or love to the form,
a "being" that is me, and not the form, is missing!
I am missing, for me, being consumed all in the form!

It is hard to tell what that "me" is.
There is a "mother", "father" element of me.
There is a friends, families, colleagues, mentor element of me.
There is an actor, preacher, curator, political element of me.
There is perhaps a businessman and people's man element of me.
But all of it misses "me", and that "me" is 

this above: the thing in the line above!
The absence that I truly desire!