Can afford to not be shallow: Part 2

The world that pulls me 
is somewhere between: 
predictability and unpredictability,
rigid and loose,
defined and undefined,
right and wrong.

I am inconsistent with myself,
hence the inconsistency pulls me;
the dilemma of what's right and what's not.

Is the solution consistent or not?
Is the solution absurd or not?

When Turing machine halts, it amazes me.
Because one can embed an equation into it, 
and the equation stops yielding anything.

When Constantin proves finite-time singularity
of 4th order PDE, it amazes me.
Because it was numerically shown,
but never before rigorously proved.

The world between YES and NO, is fascinating
as it keeps me ON,
it keeps me going.

Imagine everything being solvable,
everything being predictable,
everything just a next-step you need to do,
without thrill, without sense of awe,
without depression, without thought of suicide,
without angst, without ounces of self-hate and self-love,
how insipid that world would be?

My world should never be predictable,
it should be chaotic as like ocean waves -
you can never predict
what I will say,
what I will behave like,
what I will offer,
what I will decline -
a love that's fulfiled is a burden for ages to come.
Mansions, travels, vacations and perks - 
they are just means, not necessary,
a way to reach those places where I can dare to not be shallow.

All I want is an empty place,
where I can afford to not be shallow.
Where I settle some issues (or create new ones).
Where I create a thought that opens a series of bewilderments.
Where the shaky ground that I stand in, 
doesn't become solid or too loose,
instead just allow me to create new grounds
where people come and visit me -
talk to me and leave me,
visit the place when I am not there,
feel shaky in that ground and feel the same
that I feel now, here...
wish to do the same,
that I wish to do now, here...
and the process keeps on repeating...
forever