The next challenge

A challenge posed by you
excited me -
for the problem that you framed,
kept me ON, running, in loops,
days and nights of endless mind-fight,
thanks to the problem that you framed -
I was on it, the whole night!

But now, I am all alone
that problem practically inaccessible to me,
all I am left with is a yearning for the feeling
that I got from your problem -
oh God, I don't believe in God, what do I believe in?
I believe in nothing now - I am numb, my nerves are wrecking,
I am falling apart, my eyes in tears, my body falling apart, 
as if something is lying hidden somewhere, I am in search of 'you' -
what is you, if not a problem posed by someone?
I am beyond the intellectual systems now -
I do not subscribe to prize problems that you frame -
there are ideas that excite me - but they are transient.

I am in a state, where all I have is feeling of what I felt before.
I can not describe it here, nor I can pass it on to someone else.
The feeling is hard to describe now, for I do not have it now.
All I can do now is to create - create that feeling again.
Find a problem, as convoluted as Navier-Stokes, and feel alive again.
Creating problems is more godly than worshipping an already created problem.
Oh God, if there is a God, then I have lost my feeling of faith in you -
all I have now is a constant yearning to create my own God -
a problem that I can worship, ruminate upon, trust entirely my systems in,

something that keeps me ON for my entire life! :)

Words, images, and confusions

All I recall is what I see,
what I see from 
what you say (that you see) -
your words do not mean mean anything to me,
just the image your words create in my mind 
is all that I recall now and is "truth" to me.
Oh, god! So where do confusions stem from?
Why do sometimes I remember some phrases more than others?
It's just that what I can't create in images, I remember through words.
Those words might fade away, might not - with time. 
But creating an image relaxes most tension in brain.
Fair point, but do we think using words or images?
Both, I believe. With words, thinking is laborious,
more options, more details, more-to-discard-yet-not-discarded stuff.
With images, thinking is less heavy on brain,
unclear, fuzzy, vague, light memory-requirement, and probably deep in some sense.
Both ways are important and part of life.
Does the shape matter or the details?
Does my words matter or the image?
I don't know. But all I know is to lighten the mind,
it's good to get rid of words,
hear something fuzzy rubbish to ignore it,
undo wirings, undo connections, undo words, embrace images.
Images that connect haphazard, random, and chaotic patterns.
Everything to everything, as if all nothing.
Just as you see now these words do not mean anything,
try not remembering my words but just imagine a dot,
a dot getting bigger and producing another dot,
that dot gives rise to another dot,
birth of a dot from a dot,
until the whole screen becomes fuzzy and becomes "all dots",
dots that have some pattern that is yet to be discovered.
And that is probably where the fun starts.  (Part 2 coming up)

The next pillar

To create a pillar that shines light
and becomes the "monumental" truth -
is not a "volition-based" task,
nor it is a "reserved-for-genius" task either.
So, what is it then?
What distinguishes Perelman's proof
from countless other proofs?
What distinguishes a big story 
from countless other stories?~
What distinguishes a 2-page worth of wisdom
from numerous pages of BS and blabbering?

The question. The precise question that
captures the complexity that needs to be resolved.

Those universal questions, like Halting problem,
or that of determinacy versus randomness that confuses everyone.
The philosophical questions that trouble every mind.
There certainly are more questions to find, 
that the questions left unanswered.
To frame a "great" question and to attempt to answer it is difficult.
To find "conjectures" and to attempt to answer them is difficult.

There's more in science than to answer questions.
It is to imagine a new realm of ideas,
ask questions that fall in those realm,
and then attempt to answer them.